1489. Boundaries and Your Spouse
I
f there were ever a relationship where boundaries could get
confused, it is marriage, where by design husband and wife
“become one flesh” (Eph. 5:31). Boundaries foster separateness.
Marriage has as one of its goals the giving up of separateness
and becoming, instead of two, one. What a potential state of
confusion, especially for someone who does not have clear
boundaries to begin with!
More marriages fail because of poor boundaries than for any
other reason. This chapter will apply the laws of boundaries, as
well as its myths, to the marital relationship.Is This Yours, Mine, or Ours?
A marriage mirrors the relationship that Christ has with his
bride, the church. Christ has some things that only he can do,
the church has some things that only it can do, and they have
some things they do together. Only Christ could die. Only the
church can represent him on earth in his absence and obey his
commands. And together, they work on many things, such as
saving the lost. Similarly, in marriage, some duties one spouse
does, some the other does, and some they do together. When
the two become one on their wedding day, spouses do not lose
their individual identities. Each participates in the relationship,
and each has his or her own life.
No one would have a problem deciding who wears the dress
and who wears the tie. It’s a little trickier to decide who balances
the checkbook and who mows the lawn. But these duties can be