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self-nourishment. The Proverbs 31 wife has a life of her own;
she is out doing many things. The same is true of her husband.
They have their own time for doing what they like and for see-
ing their own friends.
Many couples have trouble with this aspect of marriage.
They feel abandoned when their spouse wants time apart. In
reality, spouses need time apart, which makes them realize the
need to be back together. Spouses in healthy relationships cher-
ish each other’s space and are champions of each other’s causes.
Other People. Some spouses need the support of others to
set boundaries. If they haven’t ever stood up for themselves,
they need help from friends and the church in learning how. If
you are too weak to set and enforce boundaries, get help from
supporters outside your marriage. Do not, however, seek sup-
port from someone of the opposite sex that could lead to an
affair. Get help from other people within relationships that have
built-in boundaries, such as counselors or support groups.
Consequences. Communicate consequences clearly and
enforce them firmly as you have said you would. Spelling out
consequences in advance and enforcing them gives your spouse
a choice about whether or not he or she wants the consequences
to happen. Because people have control over their own behav-
ior, they have control over the consequences of that behavior.
But That Doesn’t Sound Submissive
Whenever we talk about a wife setting boundaries, someone
asks about the biblical idea of submission. What follows is not a
full treatise on submission, but some general issues you should
keep in mind.
First, both husbands and wives are supposed to practice sub-
mission, not just wives. “Submit to one another out of reverence
for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). Submission is always the free choice of
one party to another. Wives choose to submit to their husbands,
and husbands choose to submit to their wives.
Christ’s relationship with the church is a picture of how a
husband and wife should relate: “Now as the church submits to
Boundaries