6 .Refrainfromdefendingyourselfuntilshefeelsthatyouunderstandandcare.ThenitisOKgentlyto
explainyourselfortoapologize.
- Rememberthatifshemakes youreally angrysheisprobably mistrustingyou. Deepinside herisa
scaredlittlegirlwhoisafraidofopeningupandbeinghurtandwhoneedsyourkindnessandcompassion.
7 .Don'targuewithherfeelingsandopinions.Taketimeoutanddiscussthingslaterwhenthereisless
emotionalcharge.PracticetheLoveUttertechniqueasdescribedinchapter 11.
When a man can listen to a woman's feelings without getting angry and frustrated, he gives her a
wonderfulgift.Hemakesitsafeforhertoexpressherself.Themoresheisabletoexpressherself,the
moreshefeelsheardandunderstood,andthemoresheisabletogiveamanthelovingtrust,acceptance,
appreciation,admiration,approval,andencouragementthatheneeds.
THEARTOFEMPOWERINGAMAN...............................................................................................
Justasmenneedtolearntheartoflisteningtofulfillawoman'sprimaryloveneeds,womenneedtolearn
theartofempowerment.Whenawomanenliststhesupportofaman,sheempowershimtobeallthathe
canbe.Amanfeels empoweredwhenheistrusted,accepted, appreciated,admired, approvedof,and
encouraged.
Likeinourstoryoftheknightinshiningarmor,manywomentrytohelptheirmanbyimprovinghimbut
unknowingly weakenorhurthim. Any attempttochangehimtakesawaythelovingtrust, acceptance,
appreciation,admiration,approval,andencouragementthatarehisprimaryneeds.
Thesecretofempoweringamanisnevertotrytochangehimorimprovehim.Certainlyyoumaywant
himtochange_-justdon'tactonthatdesire.Onlyifhedirectlyandspecificallyasksforadviceisheopen
toassistanceinchanging.
Give Trust and Not Advice
OnVenus,itisconsideredalovinggesturetoofferadvice.ButonMarsitisnot.Womenneedtoremember
thatMartiansdonotofferadviceunlessitdirectly requested.Awayofshowingloveistotrustanother
Martiantosolvehisproblemsonhisown.
Thisdoesn'tmeanawomanhastosquashherfeelings.It'sOKforhertofeelfrustratedorevenangry,as
longasshedoesn'ttrytochangehim.Anyattempttochangehimisunsupportiveandcounterproductive.
Whenawomanlovesaman,sheoftenbeginstryingtoimprovetheirrelationship.Inherexuberanceshe
makeshimatargetforherimprovements.Shebeginsagradualprocessofslowlyrehabilitatinghim.