Why Men Resist Change
Inamyriadofwaysshetriestochangehimorimprovehim.Shethinksherattemptstochangehimare
loving,buthefeelscontrolled, manipulated,rejected,andunloved.Hewillstubbornlyrejectherbecause
hefeelssheisrejectinghim.Whenawomantriestochangeaman,heisnotgettingthelovingtrustand
acceptanceheactuallyneedstochangeandgrow.
WhenIaskaroomfilledwithhundredsofwomenandmentheyallhavehadthesameexperience:the
moreawomantriestochangeaman,themoreheresists.
Theproblemisthatwhenamanresistsherattemptstoimprovehim,shemisinterpretshisresponse.She
mistakenlythinksheisnotwillingtochange,probablybecausehedoesnotloveherenough.Thetruthis,
however,thatheisresistanttochangingbecausehebelievesheisnotbeinglovedenough.Whenaman
feelsloved, trusted,accepted, appreciated,andsoforth, automatically hebeginstochange, grow,and
improve.
Two Kinds of Men, One Kind of Behavior
Therearetwokindsofmen.Onewillbecomeincrediblydefensiveandstubbornwhenawomantriesto
changehim,whiletheotherwillagreetochangebutlaterwillforgetandrevertbacktotheoldbehavior.A
maneitheractivelyresistsorpassivelyresists.
Whenamandoesnotfeellovedjustthewayheis,hewilleitherconsciouslyorunconsciouslyrepeatthe
behaviorthatis notbeingaccepted. Hefeels an innercompulsiontorepeatthebehavioruntilhefeels
lovedandaccepted.
Foramantoimprovehimselfheneedstofeellovedinanacceptingway.Otherwisehedefendshimself
andstaysthesame.Heneedstofeelacceptedjustthewayheis,andthenhe,onhisown,willlookfor
waystoimprove.
Men Don't Want to Be Improved
Justasmenwanttoexplainwhywomenshouldn'tbeupset,womenwanttoexplainwhymenshouldn't
behavethewaytheydo.Justasmenmistakenlywantto"fix"women,womenmistakenlytryto“improve"
men.
MenseetheworldthroughMartianeyes.Theirmottois"don'tfixit,ifitisn'tbroken."Whenawoman
attemptstochangeaman,hereceivesthemessagethatshethinksheisbroken.Thishurtsamanand
makeshimverydefensive.Hedoesn'tfeellovedandaccepted.