Amanneedstobeacceptedregardlessofhisimperfections.Toacceptaperson'simperfectionsisnoteasy,
especially when we see how he could become better. It does, however, become easier when we
understandthatthebestwaytohelphimgrowistoletgooftryingtochangehiminanyway.
Thefollowingchartlistswaysawomancansupportamaningrowingandchangingbygivinguptryingto
changehiminanyway:
HOWTOGIVEUPTRYINGTOCHANGEAMAN
Whatshenewstoremember Whatshecando
1 .Remember:don'taskhimtoomanyquestionswhenheisupsetorhewillfeelyouaretryingtochange
him.
1 .Ignorethatheisupsetunlesshewantstotalktoyouaboutit.Showsomeinitialconcern,butnottoo
much,asaninvitationtotalk.
2 .Remember:giveuptryingtoimprovehiminanyway.Heneedsyourlove,notrejection,togrow.
2 .Trusthimtogrowonhisown.Honestlysharefeelingsbutwithoutthedemandthathechange.-
3 .Remember:whenyouofferunsolicitedadvicehemayfeelmistrusted,controlled,orrejected.
3 .Practicepatienceandtrustthathewillteamonhisownwhatheneedstolearn.Waituntilheasksfor
youradvice.
4 .Remember:whenamanbecomesstubbornandresistschangeheisnotfeelingloved;heisafraidto
admithismistakesforfearofnotbeingloved.
4 .Practiceshowinghimthathedoesn'thavetobeperfecttodeserveyourlove.Practiceforgiveness.(See
chapter 12 )
5 .Remember:ifyoumakesacrificeshopinghewilldothesameforyouthenhewillfeelpressuredto
change.
5 .Practicedoingthingsforyourselfandnotdependingonhimto-makeyouhappy.
6 .Remember:youcansharenegativefeelingswithouttryingtochangehim.Whenhefeelsaccepteditis
easierforhimtolisten.
6 .Whensharingfeelings,lethimknowthatyouarenottryingtotellhimwhattodobutthatyouwanthim
totakeyourfeelingsintoconsideration.
7 .Remember:ifyougivehimdirectionsandmakedecisionsforhimhewillfeelcorrectedandcontrolled.
7 .Relaxandsurrender.Practiceacceptingimperfection.Makehisfeelingsmoreimportantthanper-fection
anddon'tlectureorcorrecthim.