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Oneofthemostdifficultchallengesinourlovingrelationshipsishandlingdifferencesanddisagreements.
Oftenwhencouplesdisagreetheirdiscussionscanturnintoargumentsandthenwithoutmuchwarning
intobattles.Suddenly theystoptalkinginalovingmannerandautomatically beginhurtingeachother:
blaming,complaining,accusing,demanding,resenting,anddoubting.

Men and women arguing in this way hurt not only their feelings but also their relationship. Just as
communicationisthemostimportantelementinarelationship,argumentscan bethemostdestructive
element,becausethecloserwearetosomeone,theeasieritistobruiseorbebruised.

ForallpracticalpurposesIstronglyrecommendthatcouplesnotargue.Whentwopeoplearenotsexually
involveditisaloteasiertoremaindetachedandobjectivewhilearguingordebating. Butwhencouples
arguewhoareemotionallyinvolvedandespeciallysexuallyinvolved,theyeasilytakethingstoopersonally.

Asabasicguideline:neverargue.Insteaddiscusstheprosandconsofsomething.Negotiateforwhatyou
wantbutdon'targue.Itispossibletobehonest,open,andevenexpressnegativefeelingswithoutarguing
orfighting.

Some couples fight all the time, and gradually their love dies. On the other extreme, some couples
suppresstheirhonestfeelingsinordertoavoidconflictandnotargue.Asaresultofsuppressingtheirtrue
feelingstheylosetouchwiththeirlovingfeelingsaswell.Onecoupleishavingawarwhiletheotheris
havingacoldwar.

Itis best for a couple tofinda balance between these two extremes. By remembering we arefrom
differentplanetsandthusdevelopinggoodcommunicationskills,itispossibletoavoidargumentswithout
suppressingnegativefeelingsandconflictingideasanddesires.

WHATHAPPENSWHENWEARGUE..............................................................................................

Withoutunderstandinghowmenandwomenaredifferentitisveryeasytogetintoargumentsthathurt
not only our partner but also ourselves. The secret to avoiding arguments is loving and respectful
communication.

Thedifferencesanddisagreementsdon'thurtasmuchasthewaysinwhichwecommunicatethem.Ideally
anargumentdoesnothavetobehurtful;insteaditcansimplybeanengagingconversationthatexpresses
ourdifferencesanddisagreements.(Inevitablyallcoupleswillhavedifferencesanddisagreeattimes.)But
practicallyspeakingmostcouplesstartoutarguingaboutonethingand,withinfiveminutes,arearguing