sopreoccupiedwithhiswork,sadthatshedoesn'tseemtotrustyou;afraidthatshewillneverforgive
you,afraidthathedoesn'tcareasmuchaboutyou;sorrythatyouaresecretlywithholdingyourlovefrom
himorher.Butatthesametimeyoulovethatheorsheisyourpartnerandyouwanthisorherloveand
attention.
To findourlovingfeelings,many timesweneedfirsttofeelallournegativefeelings. Afterexpressing
thesefourlevelsofnegativefeelings(anger,sadness,fear,andregret),wecanfullyfeelandexpressour
lovingfeelings.WritingLoveLettersautomaticallylessenstheintensityofournegativefeelingsandallows
ustoexperiencemorefullyourpositivefeelings.HerearesomeguidelinesforwritingabasicLoveLetter:
1 .Addressthelettertoyourpartner.Pretendthatheorsheislisteningtoyouwithloveandunderstanding.
2 .Startwithanger,thensadness,thenfear,thenregret,andthenlove.Includeallfivesectionsineach
letter.
3 .Writeafewsentencesabouteachfeeling;keepeachsectionapproximatelythesamelength.Speakin
simpleterms.
4 .Aftereachsection,pauseandnoticethenextfeelingcomingup.Writeaboutthatfeeling.
5 .Donotstopyourletteruntilyougettothelove.Bepatientandwaitforthelovetocomeout.
6 .Signyournameattheend.Takeafewmomentstothinkaboutwhatyouneedorwant.WriteitinaP.S.
Tosimplifywritingyourlettersyoumaywishtomakecopiesofpage 211 touseasaguideinwritingyour
ownLove Letters. Ineachofthefive sectionsafew helpfullead--inphrasesareincludedto help you
expressyourfeelings.Youmayusejustafewofthesephrasesorallofthem.Generallythemostreleasing
expressionsare:Iamangry,""Iamsad,"Iamafraid,""Iamsorry,""Iwant,"and"Ilove."However,any
phrasesthatassistyouinexpressingyourfeelings willwork. Itusuallytakesabout twenty minutesto
completeaLoveLetter.
ALoveLetter
Dear Date
Iamwritingthislettertosharemyfeelingswithyou.
1 .ForAnger
IDon'tlikeit...
Ifeelfrustrated...
Iamangrythat...
Ifeelannoyed...