givesyouanaddedawarenessabouthowdifficultitmustbeforyourpartnertodeallovinglywithyouat
suchtimes.
How We Can Learn About Our partners Needs
SometimeswomenobjecttowritingResponseLetters.They expecttheirpartnerstoknow whattosay.
Theyhaveahiddenfeelingthatsays"Idon'twanttotellhimwhatIneed;ifhereally lovesmehewill
know."InthiscaseawomanneedstoremembermenarefromMarsanddon'tknowwhatwomenneed;
theyneedtobetold.
Aman'sresponseismoreareflectionofhisplanetthanamirrorofhowmuchhelovesher.Ifhewerea
Venusian,hewouldknowwhattosay,butheisnot.Menreallydon'tknowhowtorespondtoawoman's
feelings.Forthemostpart,ourculturedoesn'tteachmenwhatwomenneed.
Ifamanhasseenandheardhisfatherrespondwithlovingwordstohismother'supsetfeelings,thenhe
wouldhaveabetter ideaaboutwhattodo.Asitis,hedoesn'tknow becausehe'sneverbeentaught.
ResponseLettersarethebestwaytoteachamanaboutawoman'sneeds.Slowly,butsurely,hewilllearn.
Sometimeswomenaskme"lfItellhimwhatIwanttohear,andhestartssayingit,howdoIknowheis
notjustsayingit?I'mafraidhemaynotreallymeanit."
Thisisanimportantquestion.Ifamandoesn'tloveawomanhewillnotevenbothertogiveherwhatshe
needs.Ifheevenattemptstogivearesponsesimilartoherrequest,thenmostlikelyheisreallytryingto
respond.
If he doesn't sound fully sincereit's because he is learning something new. Learning a new way of
respondingisawkward.Tohimitmayfeelweak.Thisisacriticaltime.Heneedslotsofappreciationand
encouragement.Heneedsfeedbacktellinghimhe'sontherighttrack.
Ifhisattemptstosupportherseemsomewhatinsincere,itisusuallybecauseheisafraidhiseffortswillnot
work.Ifawomanappreciateshisattempt,thenexttimehewillfeelmoresecureandthusbeabletobe
moresincere.Amanisnotafool.Whenhefeelsthatawomanisreceptivetohimandthathecanrespond
inawaythatmakesapositivedifference,hewilldoit.Itjusttakestime.
Womenaswellcan learnalotaboutmenandwhattheyneedby hearingaman'sResponseLetter.A
womanisgenerallyperplexedbyaman'sreactionstoher.Shehasnoideawhyherejectsherattemptsto
supporthim.Shemisunderstandswhatheneeds.Sometimessheresistshimbecauseshethinkshewants
hertogiveupherself.Inmostcases,however,hereallywantshertotrust,appreciate,andaccepthim.
Toreceivesupportwenotonlyhavetoteachourpartnerswhatweneedbutwealsohavetobewillingto
be supported. Response Letters ensure that a person is open to being supported. Otherwise