awomanmay presentthe problem butnotdirectly ask for hissupport. She expects him to offer his
supportandneglectsdirectlytoaskforit.
Anindirectrequestimpliestherequestbutdoesnotdirectlysayit.Theseindirectrequestsmakeaman
feeltakenforgrantedandunappreciated.OccasionallyusingindirectstatementsiscertainlyOK,butwhen
theyarerepeatedlyused,amanbecomesresistanttogivinghissupport.Hemaynotevenknowwhyheis
soresistant.Thefollowingstatementsareallexamplesofindirectrequestsandhowamanmightrespond
tothem:
WHATHEMAYHEARWHENSHEISNONDIRECT
WhatSheshould whatsheShouldnot Whathehears
"Would youpick upthe kids?" "Thekidsneedtobe picked up
andIcan'tdoit.""If you can pick them up you
should,otherwiseIwillfeelvery
unsupported and resent you"
(demand)."Would you bring in the
groceries?"
"Thegroceriesarein "It's your
jobtobringthecar."them in, I went shopping"
(expectation)."Would you empty thetrash?"
"I can'tfit anything else in the
trashcan."
"You haven't empty the wash.
You shouldn't wait so long"
(criticism)."Would you clean up the
backyard?"
Thebackyardisreallyamess. "You didn't clean up the yard
again. You should be more
responsible,I shouldn'thaveto
remindyou"(rejection)."Would you bring in the mail?" "The mail hasn't been brought
in."
"Youforgottobringinthemail.
You should remember"
(disapproval)."Would you take us outto eat
tonight?"
"Ihavenotimetomakedinner
tonight.""I havedonesomuch,theleast
you could do is take us out
tonight(dissatisfaction)."Would you take me out this
week?"
"Wehaven'tgoneoutinweeks." "Youareneglectingme.I'mnot
gettingwhatIneed.Youshould
take me out more often"
(resentment)."Wouldyouschedulesometime totalkwith me?"