- "Ifeeldisappointed.Thisreallyhurtsmyfeelings.
- "Youmeanyouwon'tdothisforme."
- "Whycan'tyoudoit?"
Etc., etc., etc. You get the idea. When he grumbles, she feels the urge to defend her request and
mistakenlybreakshersilence.Sheargueswithherpartnerinanattempttoconvincehimthatheshoulddo
it.Whetherhedoesitornot,hewillbemoreresistantnexttimesheasksforhissupport.
Togivehimachancetofulfillyourrequests,askandpause.Lethimgrumbleandsaythings.Justlisten.
Eventuallyhewillsayyes.Don'tmistakenlybelievethathewillholdthisagainstyou.Hecan'tandwon't
holditagainstyouaslongasyoudon'tinsistorarguewithhim.Evenifhewalksoffgrumbling,hewilllet
goofit,ifbothofyoufeelitIshischoicetodoornottodoit.
Sometimes, however, hemay notsay yes. Orhemay try toargue hisway out by asking you some
questions.Becareful.Duringyourpausehemayaskquestionslike:
*"Whycan'tyoudoit?"
*"Ireallydon'thavetime.Wouldyoudoit?"
*"Iambusy,Idon'thavetime.Whatareyoudoing?"
Sometimesthesearejustrhetoricalquestions.Soyoucanremainquiet.Don'tspeakunlessitisclearthat
heisreally lookingforananswer.Ifhewantsananswer,givehimone,butbeverybrief,andthenask
again.Assertiveaskingmeansaskingwithasenseofconfidenceandtrustthathewillsupportyouifhe
can.
Ifhequestionsyouorsaysno,thenrespondwithabriefanswergiv-
amoneofthosegreatgenerousguys.Whataguy."
WhenIreturnedwiththemilk,shewashappytoseeme.Shegavemeabighugandsaid,"Thankyouso
much.I'msogladIdidn'thavetogetdressed."
Ifshehadignoredme,Iprobablywouldhaveresentedher.Nexttimesheaskedmetobuy themilk I
wouldhaveprobablygrumbledevenmore.Butshedidn'tignoreme,shegavemelotsoflove.
Iwatchedmyreactionandheardmyselfthink,WhatawonderfulwifeIhave.EvenafterIwassoresistant
andgrumblysheisstillappreciatingme.
Thenexttimesheaskedmetobuythemilk,Igrumbledless.WhenIreturnedshewasagainappreciative.
Thethirdtime,automaticallyIsaid,"Sure."
Thenaweeklater,Inoticedthatshewaslowonmilk.Iofferedtogetit.Shesaidshewasalreadygoing