tothestore. To my surprise apartofmewasdisappointed!I wantedtoget the milk. Herlovehad
programmedmetosayyes.Eventothisdaywheneversheasksmetogotothestoreandgetmilkapart
ofmehappilysaysyes.
Ipersonallyexperiencedthisinnertransformation.Heracceptanceofmygrumblesandappreciationofme
whenIreturnedhealedmyresistance.Fromthattimeon,asshepracticedassertiveasking,itwasmuch
easierformetorespondtoherrequests.
Pregnant Pause
Oneofthekeyelementsofassertiveaskingistoremainsilentafteryouhaveaskedforsupport.Allowyour
partner toworkthroughtheir resistance.Becarefulnotto disapproveofhisgrumbles. Aslongasyou
pauseandremainsilent,youhavethepossibilityofgetringhissupport.Ifyoubreakthesilenceyoulose
yourpower.
Womenunknowinglybreakthesilenceandlosetheirpowerbymakingcommentslike:
*"Oh,forgetit."
*"Ican'tbelieveyouaresayingno.Idosomuchforyou."
ingthemessagethatyourneedisjustasgreatashis.Thenaskagain.
Herearesomeexamples:
"Idon'thavetime.Can'tyoudoit?" "I'malsorushed.Wouldyoupleasedoit?"Thenremainsilentagain.
"No,Idon'twanttodothat." "Iwould really appreciateit. Willyou pleasedoitfor me?" Then remain
silentagain."I'mbusy,whatareyoudoing?" "I'm busy too. Will you please do it?" Then remain
silentagain."No,Idon'tfeellikeIt." "Idon'tfeellikeiteither.Wouldyoupleasedoit?"Thenremainsilent
again.
Noticethatsheisnottryingtoconvincehimbutissimply,matchinghisresistance.Ifheistired,don'ttry
toprovethatyouaremoretiredandthereforeheshouldhelpyou.Orifhethinksheistoobusydon'ttry
toconvincehimthatyouaremorebusy.Avoidgivinghimreasonswhyheshoulddoit.Remember,youare
justaskingandnotdemanding.
Ifhecontinuestoresistthenpracticesteptwoandgraciouslyaccepthisrejection.Thisisnotthetimeto
sharehowdisappointed youare.Beassuredthatifyoucanletgoatthistime, hewillrememberhow
lovingyouwereandbemorewillingtosupportyounexttime.
Asyouprogressyouwillexperiencegreatersuccessinaskingforandgettinghissupport.Evenifyouare
practicingthepregnantpauseofstepthree,itisstillnecessarytocontinuepracticingstepsoneandtwo.It