loveyoudeserve.Probablyyouhaveexperiencedhisorbersuddenshiftsattimes.Itisverycommonfor
twopeoplewhoaremadlyinloveonedaytohateeachotherorfighttheverynextday.
Thesesuddenshiftsareconfusing.Yettheyarecommon.Ifwedon'tunderstandwhytheyhappenwemay
thinkwearegoingcrazy,orwemaymistakenlyconcludethatourlovehasdied.Fortunatelythereisan
explanation.
Lovebringsupourunresolvedfeelings.Onedaywearefeelingloved,andthenextdaywearesuddenly
afraidtotrustlove. Thepainfulmemoriesofbeingrejected begin tosurface whenwe arefacedwith
trustingandacceptingourpartner'slove.
Wheneverwearelovingourselvesmoreorbeinglovedbyothers,repressedfeelingstendtocomeupand
temporarilyovershadowourlovingawareness.Theycomeuptobehealedandreleased.Wemaysuddenly
becomeirritable,defensive,critical,resentful,demanding,numb,orangry.
Feelingsthatwecouldnotexpressinourpastsuddenlyfloodourconsciousnesswhenwearesafetofeel.
Lovethawsoutourrepressedfeelings,andgradually theseunresolvedfeelingsbegintosurfaceintoour
relationship.
Itisasthoughyour unresolvedfeelingswaituntilyouarefeelingloved,andthentheycomeuptobe
healed.Weareallwalkingaroundwithabundleofunresolvedfeelings,thewoundsfromourpast,thathe
dormantwithinusuntilthetimecomeswhenwefeelloved.Then,whenwefeelsafetobeourselves,our
hurtfeelingscomeup.
Ifwecansuccessfullydealwiththosefeelings,thenwefeelmuchbetterandenlivenmoreofourcreative,
lovingpotential.If,however,wegetintoafightandblameourpartnerinsteadofhealingourpast,wejust
getupsetandthensuppressthefeelingsagain.
How Repressed Feelings Come Up
Theproblemisthatrepressedfeelingsdon'tcomeupsaying"Hi,Iamyourunresolvedfeelingsfromthe
past."Ifyourfeelingsofabandonmentorrejectionfromchildhoodstartcomingup,thenyouwillfeelyou
arebeingabandonedorrejectedby yourpartner.Thepain ofthepast isprojectedontothepresent.
Thingsthatnormallywouldnotbeabigdealhurtalot.
Foryearswehavesuppressedourpainfulfeelings.Thenonedaywefallinlove,andlovemakesusfeel
safeenoughtoopenupandbecomeawareofourfeelings.Loveopensusupandwestarttofeelourpain.
Why Coupies May Fight During Good Times
Ourpastfeelingssuddenlycomeupnotjustwhenwefallinlovebutatothertimeswhenwearefeeling