CCCChhhhapapapaptttteeeerrrr 6666 MMMMeeeennnnAAAArrrreeeeLLLLiiiikkkkeeeeRRRRuuuubbbbbbbbeeeerrrrBBBBananananddddssss

Menarelikerubberbands.Whentheypullaway,theycanstretchonlysofarbeforetheycomespringing
back. Arubberbandistheperfectmetaphortounderstandthemaleintimacy cycle.Thiscycleinvolves
gettingclose,pullingaway,andthengettingcloseagain.

Mostwomenaresurprisedtorealizethatevenwhenamanlovesawoman,periodicallyheneedstopull
awaybeforehecangetcloser.Meninstinctivelyfeelthisurgetopullaway.Itisnotadecisionorchoice.It
justhappens.Itisneitherhisfaultnorherfault.Itisanaturalcycle.

Womenmisinterpretaman'spullingawaybecausegenerallyawomanpullsawayfordifferentreasons.She
pullsbackwhenshedoesn'ttrusthimtounderstandherfeelings,whenshehasbeenhurtandisafraidof
beinghurtagain,orwhenhehasdonesomethingwronganddisappointedher.

Certainly amanmaypullaway forthesamereasons,buthe willalso pullawayeven ifshehasdone
nothingwrong.Hemayloveandtrusther;andthensuddenlyhebeginstopullaway.Likeastretched
rubberband,hewilldistancehimselfandthencomebackallonhisown.

Amanpullsawaytofulfillhisneedforindependenceorautonomy.Whenhehasfullystretchedaway,then
instantlyhewillcomespringingback.Whenhehasfullyseparated,thensuddenlyhewillfeelhisneedfor
loveandintimacyagain.Automaticallyhewillbemoremotivatedtogivehisloveandreceivethelovehe
needs.Whenamanspringsback,hepicksuptherelationshipatwhateverdegreeofintimacyitwaswhen
hestretchedaway.Hedoesn'tfeelanyneedforaperiodofgettingreacquaintedagain.

WHATEVERYWOMANSHOULDKNOWABOUTMEN.......................................................................

Ifunderstood,thismaleintimacycycleenrichesarelationship,butbecauseitismisunderstooditcreates
unnecessaryproblems.Let'sexploreanexample.

Maggiewasdistressed,anxious,andconfused.Sheandherboyfriend,Jeff,hadbeendatingforsixmonths.
Everything had been so romantic. Then without any apparent reason he began to distance himself
emotionally.Maggiecouldnotunderstandwhyhehadsuddenlypulledaway.Shetoldme,"Oneminutehe
wassoattentive,andthenthenexthedidn'tevenwanttotalktome.Ihavetriedeverythingtogethim
backbutitonlyseemstomakemattersworse.Heseemssodistant.Idon'tknowwhatIdidwrong.AmI
soawful?"

WhenJeffpulledaway,Maggietookitpersonally.Thisisacommonreaction.Shethoughtshehaddone
somethingwrongandblamedherself.Shewantedtomakethings"rightagain,"butthemoreshetriedto