Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

(Tina Meador) #1

Lisasaid,"IrealizedIwasblaminghimformyunhappiness.AsItookresponsibility formyhappiness,I
experiencedthatJimwasmoreenergeticandalive.It'slikeamiracle."


OBSTRUCTINGTHEINTIMACYCYCLE............................................................................................


Therearetwowaysawomanmayunknowinglyobstructhermalepartner'snaturalintimacycycle.They
are:(I)chasinghimwhenhepullsaway;and( 2 )punishinghimforpullingaway.


Thefollowingisalistofthemostcommonwaysawoman"chasesaman"andpreventshimfrompulling
away:


CHASINGBEHAVIORS


I.Physical


Whenhepullsaway,shephysicallyfollowshim.Hemaywalkintoanotherroomandshefollows.Orasin
theexampleofLisaandJim,shedoesnotdothethingsshewantstodosothatshecan bewithher
partner.


2 .Emotional


Whenhepullsaway,sheemotionallyfollowshim.Sheworriesabouthim.Shewantstohelphimfeelbetter.
Shefeelssorryforhim.Shesmothershimwithattentionandpraise.


Anotherwayshemayemotionallystophimfrompullingaway istodisapproveofhisneedtobealone.
Throughdisapprovingsheisalsoemotionallypullinghimback.


Anotherapproachistolooklonginglyorhurtwhenhepullsaway.Inthiswayshepleadsforhisintimacy
andhefeelscontrolled.


3 .Mental


Shemaytrytopullhimbackmentallybyaskinghimquestionssuchas"Howcouldyoutreatmethisway?"
or"What'swrongwithyou?"or"Don'tyourealizehowmuchithurtsmewhenyoupullaway?"


Anotherwayshemaytrytopullhimbackistotrytopleasehim.Shebecomesoverlyaccommodating.She
triestobeperfectsohewouldneverhaveanyreasontopullaway.Shegivesuphersenseofselfandtries
tobecomewhatshethinkshewants.


Sheisafraidtorocktheboatforfearthathemightpullaway,andsoshewithholdshertruefeelingsand
avoidsdoinganythingthatmayupsethim.


Thesecondmajorway awomanmayunknowinglyinterruptaman'sintimacy cycleistopunishhimfor
pullingaway.Thefollowingisalistofthemostcommonwaysawoman"punishesaman"andprevents

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