Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

(Tina Meador) #1

emotionallysheisstillhurtinganddoesn'twanttohearfromhimthatsheshouldn'thehurting.Whatshe
needsishisunderstandingofwhysheishurting.


Why Men and Women Fight


HarriscompletelymisunderstoodCathy'shurtreaction.HethoughtshewasdemandingthathegiveupTV
forever.Cathywasn'tdemandingthatHarrisgiveupTV.Shejustwantedhimtoknowhowpainfulitwas
forher.


Womeninstinctivelyknowthatifonlytheirpaincanbeheardthentheycantrusttheirpartnertomake
whateverchangeshecanmake.WhenCathysharedherhurt,shejustneededtobeheardandthenbe
reassured thathewasn'tpermanentlyrevertingback totheoldHarris, addictedtoTVandemotionally
unavailable.


CertainlyHarrisdeservedtowatchTV,butCathydeservedtherighttobeupset.Shedeservedtobeheard,
understood,andreassured. HarriswasnotwrongforwatchingTV,andCathy wasnotwrongforbeing
upset.


BecauseHarrisdidnotunderstandCathy'swave,hethoughtherreactionwasunfair.Hethoughthehadto
invalidateherfeelingsifhewantedtotaketimetowatchTV.Hebecameirritableandthought,Ican'tbe
lovingandintimateallthetime!


HarrisfelthehadtomakeherfeelingswrongtogaintherighttowatchTVandlivehislifeandbehimself.
HearguedforhisrighttowatchTVwhenCathyjustneededtobeheard.Shearguedfortherighttobe
hurtandupset.


RESOLVINGCONFLICTSTHROUGHUNDERSTANDING....................................................................


ItwasnaiveforHarristothinkthatCathy'sanger,resentment,andfeelingsofpowerlessnessfrombeing
neglectedfortwelveyearsweregoingtogoawayaftertwoweeksofbeinginlove.


ItwasequallynaiveforCathytothinkthatHarriscouldsustainhisfocusonherandthefamilywithout
takingtimetopullawayandfocusonhimself.


WhenHarrisstartedtopullawayittriggeredCathy'swavetocrash.Herunresolvedfeelingsstartedcoming
up.ShewasnotjustreactingtoHarriswatchingTVthatnightbuttotheyearsofbeingneglected.Their
argumentturnedintoyelling.Aftertwohoursofyellingtheyweren'ttalkingtoeachother.


By understandingthebiggerpictureofwhathadhappened,theywereabletoresolvetheirconflictand
makeup. Harris understood that when hestarted to pull away it triggered Cathy's time to do some
emotional housecleaning. She needed to talk about herfeelingsand not bemadewrong. Harris was

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