andnowshethoughtshewasgoingtoloseit.Eversinceshewasalittlegirlthistypeofintimacywasher
dream.Hispullingawaywasatremendousshocktoher.Tothevulnerablelittlegirlwithinheritwasan
experienceofgivingcandytoababyandthentakingitaway.Shebecameveryupset.
Martian and Venusian Logic
Cathy'sexperienceofabandonmentishardforaMartiantounderstand.Martianlogicsays"Ihavebeenso
wonderfulforthepasttwoweeks.Shouldn'tthatentitlemetoalittletimeoff?Ihavebeengivingtoyou
allthistime,nowit'stimeforme.Youshouldbemoresecureandreassuredaboutmylovethanever."
Venusianlogicapproachestheexperiencedifferently:"Theselasttwoweekshavebeensowonderful.I
haveletmyselfopenuptoyoumorethanever.Losingyourlovingattentionismorepainfulthanever.I
startedtoreallyopenupandthenyoupulledaway."
Now Post Feelings Come Up.
Bynotfullytrustingandopeningup,Cathyhadspentyearsprotectingherselffrombeinghurt.Butduring
theirtwoweeksoflivinginloveshestartedtoopenupmorethansheeverhadinheradultlife.Harris's
supporthadmadeitsafeforhertogetintouchwithheroldfeelings.
Suddenlyshebegantofeelthewayshefeltasachildwhenherfatherwastoobusy forher.Herpast
unresolvedfeelingsofangerandpowerlessnesswereprojectedontoHarris'swatchingTV.Ifthesefeelings
hadnotcomeup,CathywouldhavebeenablegracefullytoacceptHarris'swishtowatchTV.
Becauseherpastfeelingswerecomingup,shefelthurtwhenhewatchedTV.Ifgiventhechancetoshare
andexploreherhurt, deep feelings would haveemerged. Cathywould havehitbottom, andthenshe
would have feltsignificantly better. Onceagain, she would have been willing to trustintimacy, even
knowingitcanbepainfulwheninevitablyhetemporarilypullsaway.
When Feelings Get Hurt
ButHarrisdidn'tunderstandwhyshewouldbehurt.Hetoldhersheshouldn’tbehurt.Andtheargument
began.Tellingawomansheshouldn'tfeelhurtisabouttheworstthingamancansay.Ithurtshereven
more,likepokingastickintoanopenwound.
Whenawoman is feeling hurt,shemay sound as ifsheisblaminghim.Butifshe isgiven care and
understanding, theblame willdisappear. Tryingtoexplainto herwhy sheshouldn'tbehurtwillmake
mattersmuchworse.
Sometimeswhenawomanishurtingshemayevenagreeintellectuallythatsheshouldn'tbehurting.But