3 .Shefeelsunlovedbecausehedoesn'trespectherfeelings.
4 .Heminimizestheimportanceofherfeelingsandneeds.Hemakeschildrenorworkmoreimportant.
4 .Shefeelsunlovedbecauseheisnotdevotedtoheranddoesn'thonorherasspecial.
5 .Whensheisupset,heexplainswhyheisrightandwhysheshouldnotbeupset.
- Shefeelsunloved becausehe doesn'tvalidate her feelingsbutinsteadmakesherfeelwrongand
unsupported.
6 .Afterlisteninghesaysnothingorjustwalksaway.
6 .Shefeelsinsecurebecauseshedoesn'tgetthereassuranceshe needs.
WHENLOVEFAILS........................................................................................................................
Loveoftenfadsbecausepeopleinstinctivelygivewhattheywant.Becauseawoman'sprimaryloveneeds
are to be cared for, understood, and so forth, she automatically gives her man a lot ofcaring and
understanding.Toamanthiscaringsupportoftenfeelsasthoughshedoesn'ttrusthim.Beingtrustedis
hisprimaryneed,notbeingcaredfor.
Ten,whenhedoesn'trespondpositivelytohercaringshecan'tunderstandwhyhedoesn'tappreciateher
brandofsupport.He,ofcourse,isgivinghisownbrandoflove,whichisn'twhatsheneeds.Sotheyare
caughtinaloopoffailingtofulfilleachother'sneeds.
Bethcomplained,saying,"Ijustcan'tkeepgivingandnotgettingback.Arthurdoesn'tappreciatewhatI
give.Ilovehim,buthedoesn'tloveme."
Arthur complained, saying, "Nothing I do is ever good enough. I don't know what to do. I've tried
everythingandshestilldoesn'tloveme.Iloveher,butit'sjustnotworking."
BethandArthurhavebeenmarriedforeightyears.Theybothfeltlikegivingupbecausetheydidn'tfeel
loved.Ironically,theybothclaimedtobegivingmorelovethantheyweregettingback.Bethbelievedshe
wasgivingmore,whileArthurthoughthewasgivingthemost.Intruththeywerebothgiving,butneither
wasgettingwhattheywantedorneeded.
They did loveeach other, butbecausethey didn'tunderstandtheir partner'sprimary needs their love
wasn'tgetting through. Bethwas givingwhatshe needed to receive whileArthurwas giving whathe
wanted.Graduallytheyburnedout.
Many people give up when relationships become too difficult. Relationships become easier when we
understandourpartner'sprimaryneeds.Withoutgivingmorebutbygivingwhatisrequiredwedonot
burnout.Thisunderstandingofthetwelvedifferentkindsoflovefinally explainswhyoursincereloving