Use Anger as a Tool, Not as a Weapon 171
I am embarrassed and feel violated.The more closely your words match what’s in your heart
and the more authentic you are, the more powerful your words
will be. Find what is in your heart and find a way to say just
that—in words they can hear.
Be aware that anger is a secondary emotion. Often you
think you are angry, but there are more vulnerable feel-
ings underneath the emotion. I may be angry when my friend
doesn’t call, but what I really am feeling might be rejection. I
might be angry when my sister doesn’t appreciate the gift I gave
her, but what I am really feeling might be guilt because I didn’t
take the time to pick out something special. Find your deepest
meanings and decide which one will get you the best result.
PowerPhrases to Express Anger Mean
What You Say
It is common to get angry when others don’t respect what you
say. Many parents say their kids don’t cooperate until they hear
their parents get angry and yell. There is an important unseen
dynamic here. Do you ever say things you don’t mean? For
example, if you have kids, do you ever tell them to turn the tele-
vision off and then ignore the fact that they haven’t a half hour
later? Then when you are finally serious about getting results,
do you get angry? What happens when you do that is you teach
people they don’t have to pay attention to what you say until
you get angry.
You can avoid getting angry altogether by meaning what
you say before you get angry. You set yourself up to get angry
if that is the only time you mean your words.