10 The Brothers Karamazov
‘C’est charmant, poor relation. Yes, I am in my natural
shape. For what am I on earth but a poor relation? By the
way, I am listening to you and am rather surprised to find
you are actually beginning to take me for something real,
not simply your fancy, as you persisted in declaring last
time-.’
‘Never for one minute have I taken you for reality,’ Ivan
cried with a sort of fury. ‘You are a lie, you are my illness,
you are a phantom. It’s only that I don’t know how to destroy
you and I see I must suffer for a time. You are my hallucina-
tion. You are the incarnation of myself, but only of one side
of me... of my thoughts and feelings, but only the nastiest
and stupidest of them. From that point of view you might
be of interest to me, if only I had time to waste on you-.’
‘Excuse me, excuse me, I’ll catch you. When you flew out
at Alyosha under the lamp-post this evening and shouted
to him, ‘You learnt it from him! How do you know that he
visits me?’ You were thinking of me then. So for one brief
moment you did believe that I really exist,’ the gentleman
laughed blandly.
‘Yes, that was a moment of weakness... but I couldn’t be-
lieve in you. I don’t know whether I was asleep or awake last
time. Perhaps I was only dreaming then and didn’t see you
really at all-.’
‘And why were you so surly with Alyosha just now? He is
a dear; I’ve treated him badly over Father Zossima.’
‘Don’t talk of Alyosha! How dare you, you flunkey!’ Ivan
laughed again.
‘You scold me, but you laugh — that’s a good sign. But