can’t make a woman happy, he becomes very discouraged.
The many positive experiences of stage three prepare a man
for this time when he doesn’t seem to be as successful. A man
can minimize his discouragement and frustration when the
woman’s wave inevitably crashes by understanding that wo-
men are like waves and by having many positive memories of
times when he has been successful. Then, instead of feeling he
can’t do anything, he knows exactly what to do and has real-
istic expectations about the outcome.
When a woman’s wave crashes, a man may
mistakenly conclude that he can’t do anything
to make her happy.As the wave rises, a woman is able to give and express more
and more love. When it crashes, regardless of how wonderful
her partner is, she will temporarily lose (to different degrees)
her ability to be as loving. She is suddenly not as self-assured,
receptive, and responsive.
At those times, the man makes the mistake of trying to fix
her. He tries to talk her out of feeling the way she does instead
of taking the time to be more considerate and supportive in a
way that works on Venus. Rather than giving solutions, a man
can be most successful if he provides increased understanding
and empathy. When her wave is crashing, what a woman needs
to feel most is that she is not being judged or rejected for not
being as loving.
When the wave crashes, a woman needs
a man’s love the most.When a woman feels supported, she doesn’t necessarily feel
better right away. It takes time. If she is on her way
94 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.