When Men ApologizeTo develop these skills most effectively, a man should first
focus on being responsible for apologizing for his mistakes
and a woman should first focus on being responsible for for-
giving the man for his mistakes. Although both men and wo-
men must be able to apologize and forgive, by maintaining
this particular approach, they will be most successful.
When a man can apologize for a mistake and be forgiven,
then he automatically becomes forgiving of his partner. As he
anticipates her love and acceptance, he can more easily acknow-
ledge and learn from his mistakes. When he does not have to
consider whether he will be loved, then he is free to consider
what happened and how he could do it differently in the future.
A man’s ability to self-correct in consideration of others is
directly linked to how accepted he feels. When a man feels
punished by his partner, it is difficult for him to become more
considerate and sensitive to her needs. When men can apolo-
gize, not only are women happier, but the man also gets what
he needs most—her trust, acceptance, and appreciation.
When Women ForgiveWhen a woman can forgive in response to a man’s apology,
she gains the ability to be more accepting and trusting. Without
his apologies, she cannot easily grow in her ability to trust and
accept a man the way he is. If he is unwilling to consider his
mistakes, a woman will dwell on his mistakes until he does.
She takes on the responsibility of improving him instead of
staying focused on herself and improving her attitude.
114 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.