and even without knowing a man, she can already tell in ad-
vance that he is not her type and she will not date him. Not
only will she be attracted to the right guys, but the right guys
will be more attracted to her.
At this level a woman is attracted to a man’s personality.
She is generally open to experience all kinds of men with dif-
ferent personalities. Through trial and error she eventually
discovers the kind of personality in a man with which she is
most compatible and feels safe being herself. To a certain ex-
tent, the more we have learned to express freely who we are
and to feel good about ourselves, the faster we move through
the levels of discernment.
Some women are most attracted to a man who has a very
shy approach, while others like a man who is very take-charge
and assertive. Some women like men who are quieter, while
some enjoy most a man who is very gregarious or funny. Some
women are attracted to men who are very structured and de-
liberate, while others are attracted to men who are very spon-
taneous and fluid. There is no set way of being that makes a
man attractive for every woman. Through her dating experi-
ences a woman is able eventually to discern the kind of man
she wants and not get involved with those she doesn’t like as
much.
LEVEL THREE FOR WOMEN: PHYSICAL ATTRACTION
By exercising her discernment and choosing to date only men
to whom she feels both mentally and emotionally attracted, a
woman begins to discover her physical attraction for a partner.
She wants not just to be touched by his mind and heart, but to
be touched physically. At this level, when a man holds her
hand, puts his arm around her, or gives her a kiss, a lot of
physical attraction is felt. Just as a
170 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.