ing back to that helps them overcome the inevitable conflicts,
frustrations, and disappointments in any relationship.
THE BENEFITS OF SETTING STANDARDS
Through exercising our discernment and continuing to raise
our standards, we make sure that we do not compromise
ourselves and settle for less when we are ready for more.
Choosing to date someone for reasons that do not resonate
with our level of maturity will sabotage our ability to move
through the five stages of dating. A mature man who continues
to date any woman who seems physically attractive, friendly,
or sexually responsive may never find real, lasting love. A
mature woman who continues to date any man who seems
interested in her looks but not her mind as well will continue
to be disappointed.
Choosing to date someone we already know is not right for
us is like shooting for the target and purposefully missing. Not
only will this prevent us from hitting the target, but it is very
confusing to our inner instincts. Until this pattern is corrected,
we will tend to be attracted to the wrong types of partners.
When we lower our standards, the wrong type is what we will
attract and be attracted to.
When we choose to pursue someone we know with certainty
is not right for us, we lose our momentum. It is like putting all
your life savings in an investment that you are not sure about.
You would never think, “Hmm, this investment is definitely
not the best for me. I think I will put all my money here.” It
would be completely foolish. It would be better just to keep
your money in a savings account.
In a similar way, it is much better not to date if you are not
meeting people who match your standards. If you are at the
lowest level of discernment, then dating anyone will help you
172 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.