If she begins to wonder if he is interested enough and then
pursues him by trying to impress him, it can sabotage the po-
tential of a date. Instead of making him more interested, it can
make him less interested. Pursuing his interest has an effect
that is the opposite of what she expects. If she makes the mis-
take of trying to impress him, then he will automatically relax
and let her do the risking.
Certainly a man likes not having to take a risk: He likes being
waited on; he likes a woman to be actively interested; but it
doesn’t cause him to like her more. A man’s interest is engaged
when he does it, when he earns it, when he achieves, when he
wins her over. Men become actively interested when they are
figuring out what to do, what to give, how to provide, how to
achieve a goal, how to impress someone, and how to get the
love, acceptance, and admiration they want.
To get a practical sense of active and receptive interest, let’s
explore the following examples. As you read through the table
the difference will become increasingly clear. You may have
to read it a few times to understand and to get a feel for the
difference.
First we will explore examples of common thoughts and
feelings a man might have when he is either actively or recept-
ively interested in a woman. Next we will explore a woman’s
thoughts and feelings.
MAN IS ACTIVELY INTERESTEDMAN IS RECEPTIVELY INTERESTED
I wonder if I would like to
spend time with her. She does
seem interested in me. It might
be fun.I wonder if she would be inter-
ested in me. I think she is inter-
esting.188 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.