Deann got involved with Carlos. They were both in their
mid-twenties. After a few dates, they were being physical and
Carlos wanted to go all the way. Deann asked him if this meant
he was going to see only her. In the heat of passion Carlos said
yes.
The next day everything changed. Deann suddenly had a
host of expectations. Some of these were:
She expected him to call her every day.
She expected him to love her and no one else.
She expected him to see only her.
She expected him to spend more time with her.
She expected him to be more interested in what she had to
say.
She expected him to do romantic things for her.
She expected him to spend less time with his friends and
more time with her.All of these expectations came up the morning after she had
sex with him. The next day Carlos also changed. He began to
doubt if he really wanted to be that involved. Suddenly other
women were looking very fine and he felt he wasn’t ready to
settle down.
In their relationship, they had moved to stage four (intimacy)
and skipped stages two and three, uncertainty and exclusive-
ness. Carlos immediately moved back into uncertainty and
decided not to proceed. It was almost predictable.
Carlos and Deann may have had a chance, but because they
were not ready to be so intimate, Carlos immediately backed
out of the relationship and Deann was hurt. Once
284 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.