A woman does not want a man to give up his
goals in life in order to make her happy.A man needs to have a sense of purpose separate from his
relationship. He needs to have a direction first, and then he is
ready to create a relationship to support him in making his
dreams come true. He feels a need for a woman to share the
rewards and benefits of achieving his goal. The opportunity
to share his success with a woman gives meaning to his life.
As long as a man has a goal and has not given up, he has a
future. Women love a man with a future. When a man is pas-
sionate about his work, his interests, his goals, and his future,
he is very attractive. When he is self-directed and self-motiv-
ated, a woman feels very relaxed and comfortable with him.
Rather than feeling she needs to take care of him, she feels he
has the energy and motivation to take care of her sometimes,
and for her this is good.
A Man’s Purpose in a RelationshipIn a relationship a man’s purpose is to provide support for
the woman and receive her love in return. As long as he stays
“on purpose” a relationship has a chance to grow. When he
starts to focus only on what he is getting in return, he gets “off
purpose” and the woman begins to close down.
Romantic rituals help a man to stay on purpose. In most of
the traditional romantic rituals, the man provides and the
woman graciously receives. These rituals are important because
they give him the repeated experience that he can succeed in
his purpose very easily. All he has to do is plan a date, make
a few calls, spend a little money, and open doors, and he is
suddenly a great guy. She appreciates him and he feels good.
298 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.