that he is not in trouble. This then frees him to consider pursu-
ing her again.
Just as time slows down for women in
uncertainty, time can speed up for a man.When a woman does not understand men, it is easy to con-
clude that a man is a real jerk if he doesn’t call her. This is not
really the case at all. There are many reasons a man doesn’t
call. With a more complete understanding of the way men
think and feel, a woman can assess a man’s instinctive behavior
and not take it so personally. In Chapters 15 and 16 we will
explore in much greater detail why men don’t call and how a
woman can call a man without turning him off.
THE PRESSURE TO GIVE BACK
When a man comes on strong in stage one and then pulls back
in stage two, a woman sometimes feels pressure to give back
sexually. She has received so much that she feels obligated to
return the favor. She hopes that by responding in a sexual
manner and fulfilling his desires, she will regain his interest.
By giving more of herself than she is ready to give, however,
she can actually sabotage a relationship. More is not always
better.
A woman can best move through the stage of uncertainty if
she can enjoy a man’s advances without feeling obligated. If
she has not been used to feeling pursued and romanced, then
she may feel even more obligated. When people are starving
and they don’t have any money to buy food, then quite natur-
ally they might feel, “I will give you anything for this food.”
Likewise, when a woman feels loved and adored,
54 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.