she might feel, “I will give anything for this to continue.” This
attitude is unhealthy.
A woman needs to understand that by receiving and respond-
ing in a warm and friendly way to a man’s romantic gestures
she is already giving back to him. This basic understanding is
crucial, and women today are missing it. Quite often a woman
feels that she is not giving enough in return, and then she feels
obligated to give more.
When she senses that the man wants more, instead of just
being flattered by his desires, she sabotages the dating ritual
by feeling the pressure of obligation and giving in to being
more physically intimate than is appropriate to their relation-
ship. Instead of letting him continue to please her, she shifts
to trying to please him. Inevitably her position is compromised
and he loses interest.
How Sharon Felt ObligatedSharon described it this way: “At first Kevin was so wonder-
ful. He listened to everything I said. He was such a gentleman.
I loved everything he said. He was interesting and funny. We
had such a good time. Then, after an evening of passion,
everything stopped.”
Sharon felt embarrassed. She thought they were soul mates
destined to get married, but Kevin was just in stage one, attrac-
tion. He was still dating other women as well. Sharon said, “It
hurts so much, I’d rather not try again. I don’t need a man that
much.”
After learning about men, however, Sharon realized how
she had misinterpreted the signals. His intense attentiveness
had meant to her that he must have been her soul mate. The
truth is that they had only known each other for a few days.
Although she thought they were going to be exclusive, they
hadn’t even gone through the uncertainty stage.
STAGE TWO: UNCERTAINTY / 55