She felt her need for a man but didn’t feel any hurry to
pursue a more intimate relationship. Instead of giving up
dating men, she gave up feeling obligated. She had a good
time flirting a lot and dating until the right guy came along.
When they became exclusive, she practiced having sex without
going all the way. Eventually they got married, but this time
she waited until she was ready to be fully physically intimate.
NEED AND OBLIGATION
Sharon’s story illustrates a very important point. Quite often
a woman denies her feelings of need for a man because she
doesn’t want to feel obligated. But by clearly realizing that she
is under no obligation, she can begin to freely flirt with men
and enjoy receiving what men can offer. She can feel her needs
without feeling obligated. The more receptive and responsive
she becomes, the more attractive she will be to the kind of man
who will want to marry her.
By clearly realizing that she is under no
obligation, a woman can begin to freely flirt with
men and enjoy receiving what men can offer.When a woman has a tendency to feel obligated in response
to a man’s advances, it prevents her from being receptive.
Younger women, particularly, feel a pressure not to let a man
pay on a date so that they don’t feel obligated to have sex. This
is the woman’s way of saying that he should not get his hopes
up.
She senses his desires and wants him not to get the wrong
idea. The problem with this approach is that he will get the
idea that she is not receptive at all and lose interest. By deny-
STAGE TWO: UNCERTAINTY / 57