Giving still requires effort and risk, but the reward makes
it all worthwhile. His reward is the pleasure and pride he feels
when he succeeds in making his partner happy.
HOW MEN CHANGE
Without an understanding of the importance of continuing to
make romantic gestures, a man will unknowingly stop doing
the very things that made him so attractive in the beginning.
Let’s look at a few examples of how men change.
Johnny and His PlansIn the beginning of their relationship, Johnny used to plan
dates in advance. He would research what was happening, get
ideas, and suggest his plans to his girlfriend, Vanessa. She was
generally very pleased by his ideas and they had many won-
derful dates.
After they became exclusive, everything quickly changed.
Johnny stopped planning dates in advance. He waited till Fri-
day and would then ask Vanessa what she wanted to do. Since
they had less time to plan, they started doing more casual
things, like renting a video and making popcorn. There was
nothing wrong with this. After all, not every date has to be
special. Variety is good. For a while, Vanessa and Johnny had
a good time not going out.
But as this continued, they gradually started to lose interest
in each other. After taking a Mars/Venus dating workshop,
Johnny realized what had happened. He realized that he had
stopped planning dates. In the workshop, he learned that wo-
men love it when men plan dates. Women love a man with a
plan, and Johnny had stopped planning. He didn’t even notice
the change. He stopped making plans because his initial reason
and motivation for planning were gone.
STAGE THREE: EXCLUSIVITY / 71