In the beginning of the relationship, he would plan in ad-
vance to make sure he would get a date. He didn’t want
Vanessa to book up her weekend, so he would plan things
with her way in advance. When it was clear that they would
be exclusive, she naturally left her weekends open to be with
him. He then had no reason to plan and make dates in advance.
Johnny learned a new reason to plan in advance. When he
planned in advance, not only did Vanessa feel more provided
for and special, but she also had a week to think about the date
and look forward to it. Most men don’t realize how important
that is to a woman. She loves to look ahead, to prepare, to get
ready, and to talk about it with her friends. By learning about
women, Johnny was once again motivated to plan in advance.
He said this one change put the juice back into his relationship.
Why Bob Stopped TalkingFor several dates, Bob was very talkative with Sarah. He
talked about his job, his goals, his values, his parents, his
brothers and sisters, his past, his spiritual beliefs, his interest
in sports, his daily experiences, and his reactions to the news,
and he talked about his past as it related to different experi-
ences that he was having. He was a dream partner. Women
love men to share the way they think and feel about things.
They had many wonderful conversations.
When they moved into stage three, Sarah was expecting
things to stay the same and even get better, but the opposite
happened. Bob stopped talking as much. At first, she thought
he was probably distracted by some problem at work, but
eventually she concluded that he was just losing interest in
her.
72 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.