In the beginning, he looked directly at her because he was
still doing business. He listened intently to get to know her
because he was gathering information to make the decision.
He focused on her to figure out if he wanted to be with her.
Once he made the decision that she was the one, the problem
had been solved; he could now relax and look away while she
talked. By not understanding what women enjoy most in a
man, Jerry had sabotaged his relationship.
Why Ross Stopped Giving ComplimentsNaomi complained, “After four or five dates, Ross stopped
giving me compliments. After he let me know that he wanted
to see only me, his affection just turned off. I thought we were
really getting close. I couldn’t understand why, if he liked me
so much, he would stop complimenting me. After a while I
was so annoyed that I refused to date him anymore. He became
so stingy with his affection.”
Many men in stage three will automatically stop compliment-
ing their partner. A man mistakenly assumes that because he
is being exclusive, she doesn’t need to hear his compliments
anymore. He thinks the fact that he wants to be only with her
is already making a statement that she is more special than
other women.
From a man’s point of view, giving compliments is a way
to communicate the message that he is attracted to a woman,
that he finds her attractive. Once he clearly believes that she
understands this message, then he may no longer feel the need
to give more compliments. From his perspective, there is no
point to it. He thinks, “Well, we are going steady; she should
know that I think she is pretty.” Because Ross made this simple
mistake over and over again, his relationships never progressed
beyond the third stage of dating.
STAGE THREE: EXCLUSIVITY / 75