Model Marriage by Bishop Dag Heward Mills

(Darren Dugan) #1
Tips on Relating to Your Spouse’s Temperament

What to Do if You Are Married to a Choleric Husband or Wife



  1. Accept their weaknesses.

  2. Maintain a sense of obedience––the choleric husband likes his wife to:
    a. be supportive and submissive
    b. see things his way
    c. co-operate quickly
    d. let him take credit.

  3. Recognize that your husband has extraordinary instincts and a natural flair for
    leadership. It will then become easier to follow his lead.

  4. The choleric dislikes people who are lazy and not interested in working
    constantly; they also dislike people who resist their authority, get independent or
    are not loyal.

  5. The husband or wife of a choleric has a right to let his/her spouse know exactly
    where she stands and whether he’s standing on her toes. But once this has been
    clearly communicated, the other partner should back off and try praying. There’s
    power in prayer––put it to work for you.^3 Constant nagging won’t do any good.
    It may make your husband intractable.

  6. Appreciate your spouse’s accomplishments: he/she wants recognition for his/her
    many accomplishments.^4


What to Do if You Are Married to a Melancholic Husband or
Wife


  1. Give them stability––Melancholics often have a passion for organization and
    schedules. They want to see things done in a certain way at a certain time
    everyday. For them, that creates stability.

  2. Give them space––Melancholics need some space that is exclusively theirs and
    not for their spouses or children.

  3. Give them silence––Give them some quiet moments, like times when there is no
    TV on; no screaming kids, no phone calls, and no continual chatting. Do this at
    least once a week.

  4. Be sensitive to the things that concern them––at least try!^5


What to Do if You Are Married to a Phlegmatic Husband or Wife



  1. Give him peace––His primary motivation in life is to avoid conflict and chaos. If
    he comes home to meet children screaming, kitchen torn apart, or a wife who is
    “ready to kill someone” he will immediately retreat to the settee, TV, or fall asleep
    quickly. It is his way of escaping “the madness”. Make your home a refuge from
    the storm.

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