If you think that your hand has been purposely crunched say ‘Wow! That’s
one strong grip and it really hurt!’ You’re letting the person know that you’re
onto her game. This has even more impact if other people are present
observing the interaction. She’s unlikely to play that trick again.George lacks social skills and is unaware of how much pressure he puts into
his handshakes. He unconsciously makes up for his social ineptness by
putting an extra hard squeeze into his grasp. Women find it especially uncom-
fortable to shake hands with George. He squeezes their hands so forcefully
that it’s not uncommon for women to walk away from having shaken hands
with George sporting red welts where their rings have cut into their fingers.
One friend mused, ‘If he does that shaking hands I wonder what happens
when he kisses you?’The wet fish
If you’ve ever been presented with a totally limp hand to shake you know
how unconnected it feels when your hands meet. People who refuse to
commit to a handshake tend to be self-important and aloof. Granted, sur-
geons and concert pianists need to guard their fingers and are known for
their soft handshakes. And people who have to do a lot of shaking also offer a
relaxed hand in order to protect their fingers.Some people offer the uncommitted handshake for other reasons. Some
women think that it’s appealing to present themselves as submissive to both
men and women. Very strong people sometimes offer a soft handshake as a
way of highlighting their physical power. If a person’s lacking in confidence
she also holds back from making a connection.Bonnie comes from Dallas, Texas, and works for a large investment firm in
London. Her working environment is predominantly male. Although she’s
highly accomplished, her boss and peers perceive her as being quite submis-
sive. One of the reasons for this is because of the way she shakes hands.
Regardless of the million pound deals she regularly lands, she still highlights
her femininity by offering a soft handshake, as she was taught to do growing
up in the southern USA. Although in a social context this approach may
appeal to men, in the business environment her male colleagues regularly
joke about the Southern Belle and her wily ways.The power shake
At times you may want to show that you have the upper hand, meaning that
you’re strong and in control. You can do this by making sure that your hand
faces down in the handshake. Although your palm doesn’t have to be com-
pletely turned over so that it faces directly downward, the slight turning
shows that you’re in charge.158 Part III: The Trunk: Limbs and Roots