Even if you unconsciously place your hand in the top position you have the
automatic advantage. This is because the hand down position is associated
with dominance and control whereas the upward facing palm conveys compli-
ance and passivity. Even if you and the receiver are unaware of your hand posi-
tions, you feel more dominant and the other person feels more submissive.
The double-hander
The double-hander is a favourite in the corporate and political arena.
Through this particular handshake, the initiator aims to portray sincerity,
honesty, and a deep feeling for the receiver. By using it you increase the
amount of physical contact and by restricting the receiver’s right hand you
gain control of the interaction. Because the double-hander is like a mini hug
choose your receiver carefully. Ideally, this handshake should only be used
where a personal relationship already exists.
If someone thrusts her hand towards you, palm facing downwards, and grabs
your hand in hers putting you in a submissive position with little chance of
balancing the equation, what do you do? Allow the power player to take your
hand with your palm facing upwards. Then, before she knows what you’re up
to, put your left hand on top of her right to create a double-hander. From this
position you’re able to straighten the handshake and gain control subtly and
effectively.
When you use the two-handed handshake, the left hand conveys two points
worth noting. Firstly, it reveals the intensity of feeling you’re demonstrating
towards the receiver. The higher up the arm your left hand goes, as shown in
Figure 9-12, the deeper the level of intimacy you want to show. This is a com-
plex movement in that the gesture shows both the degree of connection you
have with the receiver as well as the amount of control you’re exerting. The
second point is that your left hand invades the receiver’s personal space. Unless
the receiver has positive feelings for you this gesture can lead to feelings of
suspicion and mistrust. If in doubt, don’t use it; especially on your boss.
The leach
Some people just don’t know when to let go. They grab your hand, shake it,
and then hang on until you want to pry their fingers off. This is a subtle way
of demonstrating control. By prolonging the contact they’re engaging you for
longer than you may have wanted. Interestingly, you’ll probably allow the
contact to remain until you can think of a good reason to pull away. Such as,
‘Excuse me, I have to go now’ even though you may have just arrived!
Chapter 9: It's in the Palm of Your Hand 159