When people are feeling anxious they focus their excess energy onto them-
selves as a way of providing temporary relief. These actions are sometimes
referred to as ‘adaptors’ because they help you adapt to your internal ten-
sion. Adaptive behaviours are mainly focused on the head and the face.
Unconsciously you may find yourself stroking your face, running your fingers
over your lips, or rubbing the back of your neck when you’re feeling upset.
These hand gestures are reminiscent of those your mother may have used to
comfort you when you were a child.
Hand to nose .......................................................................................
When your hand goes to your nose you know a falsehood is going on inside.
Whether you’re telling a deliberate lie (as if), having a dishonest thought, pre-
tending to be brave when you’re totally terrified, or simply feeling a moment
of self-doubt, the hand going to your nose is the signal.
As I was walking my dog Henry, thinking about my day’s challenges, I began
to notice that each time I moved from one thought to the next my hand made
a definite movement. I particularly noticed when I wiped my nose, a sign of
falsehood and doubt. Granted, it was cold, my body was warm, and my nose
was running, so I had to wipe it. But at the time I had been thinking that I’d be
able to meet a deadline when, in fact, I seriously doubted that I would.
The act of self-touching signals a need for reassurance. Rubbing the nose,
giving it a quick wipe, or a simple scratch are responses to the tingling sensa-
tion caused by heightened blood flow to the nose when you’re feeling
stressed.
To tell if someone’s feeling under pressure, observe her hand to face gestures.
Hand to cheek .....................................................................................
The hand to cheek gesture indicates boredom, uninterest, and fatigue.
Resting your hand on your cheek is like resting your hand on your pillow.
Before you know it you may be nodding off into dreamland. In meetings, lec-
tures, and restaurants you see people resting their heads on their hands as
negative feelings creep in.
If you’re speaking in a public forum and you notice heads are resting in
hands, change what you’re doing. The change catches their attention and
saves you the embarrassment of heads collapsing into hands in an embar-
rassing heap.
Chapter 9: It's in the Palm of Your Hand 163