A young Japanese woman reveals her embarrassment by giggling behind her
hands, which are held in an upright position, slightly away from her mouth,
with the palm facing her face.Smoothing Over Difficult Situations ..........................................................
Different cultures have different ways of dealing with difficult or embarrassing
situations.Brazilians, for example, avoid giving bad news and saying no. They may change
the subject, stretch the truth, or put such a positive spin on the information
that you don’t notice the negative aspects. They aren’t seeking to deceive, and
they aren’t avoiding loss of face. They simply want to keep things positive and
not to disappoint.I was recently in Bulgaria and invited to a family gathering. I don’t understand
the language, other than a few words. But it was clear from the body language
and the tone of the conversation that things were ‘heating up’. The conversa-
tion was becoming louder, people were interrupting each other and pointing
fingers. Suddenly, someone said something that broke the deadlock – every-
one smiled, laughed, shrugged shoulders, patted each others’ arms, and
resumed eating. My host afterwards told me that yes, a disagreement was
going on so, in order to keep the peace, he cracked a joke and everyone
relaxed. Keeping relationships on an even keel was more important than
deciding who was right and who was wrong.On a cold winter’s day, Caroline, an American living in Tokyo, was travelling in
the packed underground during rush hour. She was well wrapped up in her
wool coat and hat. No seats were available and in spite of her being pregnant,
no one offered her theirs. She was forced to stand, pressed up against the
safety glass of the door that divides the trains. Her train companions leant
against one another for support rather that holding onto the straps. With one
lurch of the train, the passengers all swayed toward Caroline’s end and
pressed against her. Her back went through the safety glass leaving her cov-
ered in broken glass. In spite of her condition people ignored her. When the
train came to its station the passengers piled out of the train as the next group
piled in. A few minutes later, a youngish Japanese who was in the carriage
with Caroline when the accident occurred, came and knocked out the rest of
the glass to minimise the danger. Another person moved away to offer her a
seat. All these actions took place with no eye contact. What Caroline came to
discover was that she had inadvertently created a scene and the Japanese, by
not overtly paying attention to her, were ‘saving her face’. Their lack of emo-
tional reaction was their way of smoothing over an embarrassing situation for
Caroline, in spite of the incident being an accident. This behaviour was their
way of keeping the situation harmonious without offending Caroline.Chapter 15: Crossing the Cultural Divide 253