have had a disagreement. As you both agree that it was a foolish argument
and it’s time to make up and move on, you notice that your partner is sitting
with his arms crossed over his chest, his fists clenched, his legs tightly
crossed, his head bent, his mouth turned down at the corners, and a big frown
covering his forehead. When you suggest that he may still be harbouring some
resentment, anger, or other negative feelings, he scoffs at the suggestion, and
assures you that you’re putting too much emphasis on what you see. Trust
your instincts. Here is a case of actions speaking louder than words.
Stephen went into his boss’s office for his quarterly review. Although Kate,
his line manager, said that he was doing a fine job she avoided his gaze
during the meeting, focusing instead on the report in front of her, and only
occasionally lifting her head. At no time did she smile. When she did lift her
eyes from her desk, she looked over Stephen’s shoulder or at the floor. When
her hands weren’t folded, her arms crossed over her body and her fingers
played around her mouth. Her facial expression was serious. From the way
she was presenting herself, Stephen knew that Kate was holding back nega-
tive comments. Although her words were supportive, her body language said
that she wasn’t happy with the job Stephen was doing. He left her office feel-
ing confused and worried.
Think back to a conversation you may have had when you knew that some-
thing wasn’t quite right. Something about the way the words and the gestures
didn’t match had indicated to you that the person didn’t mean what he was
saying. What gestures was the person using? What words was he saying? How
were you able to tell that the gestures weren’t supporting the spoken message?
Over lunch with her friends, Jacqui was talking about her relationship with
her husband, Michael. Although her mouth was formed in a smile and her
words were positive, her eyes looked sad. She seemed distracted and kept
twisting her wedding ring on and off her finger as she spoke. Several months
later Jacqui told her friends that she was leaving Michael. Remembering how
she had behaved at lunch that day, none of them was surprised.
Considering the context ....................................................................
Just because someone sits bent forward with his head tucked into his shoul-
ders, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, and his hands balled up in fists
and tucked under his arms, doesn’t mean that he’s angry. Look at the bigger
picture. If it’s cold where he’s sitting, he just may be trying to keep warm. Or
perhaps he ate something he now wishes he hadn’t.
If you want to read body language correctly, you have to take in all the signs.
Chapter 16: Reading the Signs 261