I once described another person as ‘boring’. The friend I was speaking to
admonished me by suggesting that if I think someone is ‘boring’ I should
think about that person for five minutes, and if I still think he’s boring, I
should think about him for another five minutes, and continue to do so until I
find something about that person that I find interesting. He also suggested
that I may want to consider my own behaviour. Was I acting in a way that
brought out the best in the other person? Was I demonstrating an interest in
the person, or was I focusing only on myself and my own interests?Knowing What You Want to Express..........................................................
A clearly formulated thought, simply expressed and without apology, makes life
so much easier for both the speaker and the listener. Instead of umming, erring,
or ahhing, the expert communicator leaves those space fillers to the people
who are afraid to state their beliefs and hesitant about saying what they feel.Before speaking, whether stating an opinion or asking a question, have your
thoughts clearly formulated in your mind. If you’re speaking as you’re think-
ing about what you want to say, you may have to make several attempts
before you get your words out the way you want them to be heard. By then
your listeners and observers may have departed.Modelling Excellence ...................................................................................
Every so often you meet someone who has the knack for communicating in
such a way that keeps you hanging onto his every word and makes you long
to be in his company. That’s the person whose behaviour you want to model.Observing other people gives you the chance to see what works and what
doesn’t. If someone uses body language that’s inclusive and encompassing,
and open and welcoming, you’re going to feel comfortable in his company. If
someone presents himself in such a way that commands your attention and
elicits your respect, you sit up and take notice.Deciding what you consider to be excellent behaviour requires that you
establish your standards. Review your current behaviour and acknowledge
where you may have some blind spots. Concede that some of your behaviour
may put people off. By recognising what you do well and where there’s room
for improvement you give yourself a foundation to build on. By following the
examples of people whose behaviour produces the kind of results you aspire
to, you have, in effect, a template to follow.286 Part V: The Part of Tens