Lizzie went to an art fair with her friends, Frank and Peter. Their taste in art –
South American contemporary with a twist – was very different from Lizzie’s,
whose preferences tended toward Monet and John Singer Sargent. Lizzie was
uninterested in most of the paintings her friends were admiring. Not wanting
to appear bored or dismissive of their taste, Lizzie forced herself to look at
the paintings for longer than she would normally have done. Not only did
Frank and Peter believe that Lizzie was enjoying the art, she discovered that
by giving the work extra ‘eye time’ she began to appreciate it in a way she
previously hadn’t. Although she didn’t want it in her home, she recognised
how other people could value it.
In social situations focus your gaze on the triangular area between your lis-
tener’s eyes and mouth. You’re perceived as non-threatening and interested.
Building rapport
When you want to build rapport with someone, research shows that you need
to meet that person’s gaze between 60–70 per cent of the time. If, for example,
Penny likes Tim and wants to do business with him, she should look at him a
lot. In response, Tim senses that Penny likes him and likes her in return. They
easily look at one another and before you know it the deal’s been done!
But what about the shy, timid people who find eye contact difficult? No matter
how genuine, honest, and dedicated they are, by struggling to establish and
maintain eye contact they send out signals of prevarication and doubt.
Given the choice of working with a person who appears nervous and timid,
and who has to make an effort to look at you at all, or Penny with the engaging
eye contact who makes you feel good about yourself, which person do you
choose? You’re probably going to choose the one you have the better rapport
with. Even if you feel uncomfortable making eye contact, make the effort. The
more you get used to looking another person in the eye the more confident
and trustworthy you appear, and the more rewarding your interaction is
likely to be.
Ed regularly has to make formal presentations for his work. Although once
into the presentation he’s able to look at his audience – albeit fleetingly – he
finds establishing eye contact during his introduction extremely difficult. By
watching himself on video replay he realised how much impact he loses by
not making eye contact with his listeners. He recognised that, by failing to
establish eye contact with his audience at the very beginning of his presenta-
tion, he fails to engage with them and has to work that much harder to gain
their attention, interest, and eventual buy-in. To create rapport with his lis-
teners Ed now establishes eye contact with them before he even begins to
speak.
Chapter 5: The Eyes Have It 77