Friendship 277not provide many opportunities for women
and men to interact with one another. The
changing nature of female and male roles in
society has made members of the other sex
more available as potential friends.Comparisons to Same-Sex Friendship
The first studies of cross-sex friendship ap-
peared in the 1980s. Not surprisingly, one of
the first questions that researchers asked was
how cross-sex friends compared to same-sex
friends.
In many ways, cross-sex friendships are
similar to same-sex friendships. They are char-
acterized by intimacy, loyalty, and shared ac-
tivities. As in our selection of same-sex friends,
the similarity principle of attraction applies.
That is, “Birds of a feather flock together.”
Cross-sex friends, like same-sex friends, have a
great deal of demographic similarity. They are
similar in age, education, marital status, and
parental status. They also are similar in terms
of personality traits (e.g., locus of control), be-
haviors (e.g., self-disclosure), and relationship
beliefs (e.g., how to resolve conflicts; Morry,
2007). And, greater similarity predicts more
satisfying friendships.
However, cross-sex friendships are less
intimate than same-sex friendships—at least
for women. Women are typically closer to
their same-sex than cross-sex friends, but it
is not clear if men are closer to their same-sex
or cross-sex friends. Studies of adolescents
show that males receive more support and
find more rewards in cross-sex than same-
sex friendship (Thomas & Daubman, 2001).
There is some evidence that both women
and men find their friendships with women
to be more rewarding than their friendships
with men. High school students report re-
ceiving more help from female friends than
male friends (Poulin & Pedersen, 2007),would just be friends. Harry, however, in-
sisted they could not be friends because
men and women can never be friends—sex
always gets in the way. Even when Sally said
she had a number of male friends, Harry
argued that sex is somehow involved in the
relationship—if not on her part, then on
the part of the men. Of course, as you might
imagine, a friendship emerges between Harry
and Sally that then blossoms into a romantic
relationship, confirming the stereotype that
women and men cannot bejustfriends.
Many people today would disagree with
Harry. The majority of children (grades 3
through 12) agree that it is possible to have a
cross-sex friend, and 93% said that they have
or have had a cross-sex friend (McDougall &
Hymel, 2007). The number of cross-sex friends
increases with age. When college students in
the United States and Russia were asked to
identify up to their eight closest friends, 27%
of those friends were of the other sex for U.S.
men and women, 26% were of the other sex
for Russian women, and 17% were of the other
sex for Russian men (Sheets & Lugar, 2005).
In a study of adults ages 25–44 in Greece,
three-quarters said that they believed cross-sex
friendship was possible and most had or had
had a cross-sex friend (Halatsis & Christakis,
2009). However, like the study of Russians,
more women thought cross-sex friendship was
possible compared to men (81% vs. 69%).
Most relationship research focuses on
same-sex friendship or romantic relation-
ships. Cross-sex friendship is a relatively new
area of research. A cross-sex friendship is
typically defined as a friendship with some-
one of the other sex that is not romantic,
sexual, or familial. Cross-sex friendships are
not uncommon, but they are much less com-
mon than same-sex friendships. Historically,
cross-sex friendships among adults were rare;
the traditional division of labor in society didM08_HELG0185_04_SE_C08.indd 277 6/21/11 8:12 AM