278 Chapter 8other sex and avoid the competitiveness and
jealousy that sometimes characterizes same-
sex friendship (Halatsis & Christakis, 2007;
McDougall & Humel, 2007). Cross-sex friend-
ship also can compensate for what is lacking
in same-sex friendship. Men may derive more
emotional support from cross-sex friends than
same-sex friends, whereas women may find
more companionship from cross-sex friends
and obtain a sense of relief from the inten-
sity of their same-sex friendships (Werking,
1997b). Women have less conflict with their
cross-sex friends than their same-sex friends
(Werking, 1997b). Women also suggest cross-
sex friends provide a resource for physical pro-
tection (Bleske-Rechek & Buss, 2001).Obstacles
In the early research on this topic, O’Meara
(1989) identified five challenges that cross-sex
friendships face; these are listed in Table 8.2.
First is theemotional bond challenge, in which
friends question the nature of the relationship.
Is the closeness called friendship or romantic
love? This is the question that was taken up by
the movieWhen Harry Met Sally.According to
the movie, cross-sex friendship cannot really
exist; even their friendship ultimately evolved
into a romantic relationship. Second is the
sexual challenge. We are socialized to view
members of the other sex as potential romantic
and sexual partners. Is there sexual attraction?
This is the issue with which Harry was initially
most concerned. Third is theequality chal-
lenge. Equality is central to friendship, and menand college students are closer to their fe-
male friends than their male friends (Reeder,
2003). Although females are more satisfied
than males with their same-sex friends, fe-
males and males are equally satisfied with
cross-sex friendships (Cheung & McBride-
Chang, 2007; Singleton & Vacca, 2007).
Do we expect our cross-sex friends to
behave like our same-sex friends? Among
children, boys and girls prefer that their cross-
sex friends act the same way as their same-sex
friends (Dijkstra, Lindenberg, & Veenstra,
2007). That is, boys preferred female class-
mates who were more aggressive than help-
ful, and girls preferred male classmates who
were more helpful than aggressive. With age,
however, there seems to be some accommo-
dation of female and male friendship styles in
cross-sex friendships. Men reduce their focus
on shared activities in cross-sex compared to
same-sex friendships, and women increase
their focus on shared activities in cross-sex
compared to same-sex friendships (Fuhrman,
Flannagan, & Matamoros, 2009; McDougall &
Hymel, 2007).
Cross-sex friends might serve differ-
ent functions for women and men compared
to same-sex friends. As described in Chapter
7, having cross-sex friends during childhood
provides opportunities to learn new styles of
play and decreases sex-typed behavior (Fabes,
Martin, & Hanish, 2004). Children who have
cross-sex friends also may find it easier to in-
teract with the other sex during adolescence,
when such encounters are more frequent.
Cross-sex friends can give insight into theTABLE 8.2 CHALLENGES OF CROSS-SEX FRIENDSHIPEmotional bond Is this friendship or romantic love?
Sexual Is there sexual attraction?
Equality Is this relationship equal?
Audience How is this relationship viewed by others—and do I care?
Opportunity Are there cross-sex people in my life available as friends?
Source: O’Meara (1989).M08_HELG0185_04_SE_C08.indd 278 6/21/11 8:12 AM