On the following day she wrote more, lamenting that Nils and
her own family never left her alone “Nils always wants to talk
to me and in spite of the fact that he is nice and friendly, I am
bored to death!” She went on:
Darling, oh, how I long for you!...
Moreover Nils still hasn’t given me a cent. What a
nerve! He knows I don’t have anything. Today I told
him, “You’ll have to give me a little money, I want to
give Mama and my sisters something for Christmas!”
“No, Carin dear,” says he, “no need for you to do
that: I’ll give presents to your relatives and friends!”
Have you ever heard anything so dumb?... This
ignorance makes him seem like a scoundrel, but at the
same time like an angel or a child. I get so nervous I
can hardly stay in the same room or house with him.
More and more I realize how much you mean to
me. I love you so much. You are everything to me.
There is no other like you. To me you are really my
ideal in everything. You do everything so sweetly...
You remember me with so many little things and that
makes my life so happy. Now, for the first time I real-
ize how accustomed I have become to you. It is diffi-
cult for me to say it... I want you to feel it in your
dear beloved heart! If I could only say that with kisses
and embraces, darling! I would like to kiss you from
one end to the other without stopping for an hour.
Do you really love me as much as you say? Is that pos-
sible??
My thoughts are with you. You must feel my love
everywhere, in every little corner, table and chair; in
my thoughts I kiss everything that is near you that
dear ugly old floor in the kitchen, your bed, your
chair. I am crying, I love you so much. I think only of
you, and I am true to you in everything.