OCTOBER 9
...the dead have an afterlife in the form of a continuing influ-
ence on their survivors. This seems to be particularly true
when they leave us with unresolved feelings of anger or
guilt. The living may feel relief when death ends parental
demands on our energies or a long and painful illness. If
part of the process of bereavement is a search for the beloved,
we also allow the dead to seek us out, until gradually we
come to terms with their claims and ask them to let us be.
—MARY JANE MOFFAIThe psychic drama that follows the loss of loved ones has
infinite variations.
Is there a way in which we’re relieved? They may have
been a great care to us, a sap on our physical and emotional
energy. Or perhaps they made life difficult in other ways,
creating all kinds of stress in the family. Is it okay to acknow-
ledge that in some ways it’s easier without them?
What if, in our minds, they look at us reproachfully—How
could you? You know it was partly your fault.
So we have a lengthy go-around in our minds, seeking a
perfect resolution—which will not come. Until, wearying
of the fray and counting on the grace of mutual forgiveness,
perhaps we can Let It Go.
Let us accept each other, knowing we did the best we could.