Attached

one who is a good match for you.
But it’s much more than just a probability issue. If you have an
anxious attachment style, you tend to get attached very quickly, even
just on the basis of physical attraction. One night of sex or even just a
passionate kiss and, boom, you already can’t get that person out of
your mind. As you know, once your attachment system is activated, you
begin to crave the other person’s closeness and will do anything in
your power to make it work even before you really get to know
him/her and decide whether you like that person or not! If you are
seeing only him/her, the result is that at a very early stage you lose your
ability to judge whether he or she is really right for you.
By using the abundance philosophy, you maintain your ability to
evaluate potential partners more objectively. What you are actually
doing is desensitizing your attachment system and tricking it into being
easier on you. Your system will no longer get so easily activated by
one person because it will be busy evaluating the availability of a lot of
different people, and you won’t be as likely to obsess about anyone in
particular. You can quickly rule out people if they make you feel
insecure or inadequate, because you haven’t built all your hopes on
them. Why would you waste time with someone who is unkind to you
when you have several other potential partners lined up who treat you
like royalty?
When you’re seeing several people—which has become very
feasible in the Internet and Facebook age—it also becomes easier to
make your needs and wishes clear; you’re not afraid that by doing so
you’ll chase away a rare prospect; you don’t have to tiptoe around or
hide your true feelings. This allows you to see whether someone is
able to meet your needs before you reach the point of no return.
Nicky, 31, was an extreme case for whom this approach to dating
worked like magic. Nicky was attractive, social, and witty, yet she
rarely made it past the first few days or weeks of a relationship. She
had a highly anxious attachment style; she craved intimacy and
closeness but was so convinced that she would never meet anyone
that being alone had become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
In romantic situations, she was very sensitive and got easily hurt and
would act defensively, not returning phone calls and remaining silent