7.

Getting Comfortably Close: The Secure

Attachment Style

Writing about people with a secure attachment style seems like a
boring task. After all, what is there to say? If you’re secure, you’re very
reliable, consistent, and trustworthy. You don’t try to dodge intimacy or
go nuts over your relationships. There’s very little drama in your
romantic ties—no high and lows, no yo-yos and roller coasters to
speak of. So what is there to say?”
Actually, there’s a lot to say! In the process of understanding
attachment and how a secure bond can transform someone’s life,
we’ve grown to admire and appreciate the secures of the world.
They’re attuned to their partners’ emotional and physical cues and
know how to respond to them. Their emotional system doesn’t get too
riled up in the face of threat (as with the anxious) but doesn’t get shut
down either (as with the avoidant). In this chapter, you’ll learn more
about the secure traits and what makes them unique. And if you’re
secure and don’t usually seek help in the relationship arena, you’ll be
forewarned because you too may one day stumble into an ineffective
relationship that can affect you in a deleterious way.

THE SECURE BUFFERING EFFECT

Time and again, research shows that the best predictor of happiness
in a relationship is a secure attachment style. Studies demonstrate that
individuals with a secure attachment style report higher levels of
satisfaction in their relationships than people with other attachment