• Repressing loving feelings and emotions

Examples of Secure Principles

• Be available.


• Don’t interfere.


• Act encouragingly.


• Communicate effectively.


• Don’t play games.


• View yourself as responsible for your partner’s well-
  being.


• Wear your heart on your sleeve—be courageous and
  honest in your interactions.


• Maintain focus on the problem at hand.


• Don’t make generalizations during conflict.


• Douse the flame before it becomes a forest fire—attend
  to your partner’s upsets before they escalate.

It sometimes may be helpful to go over the inventory with an
attachment-designated person (ADP), such as a family member, a
close friend, or a therapist. Being able to turn to someone who is
familiar with your patterns when your system goes into overdrive and
your judgment is clouded by activation/deactivation can give you a new
and different perspective. Your ADP can remind you of your
destructive attachment tendencies and help you move toward a more
secure emotional head space before you act out and hurt the
relationship.
If you’ve completed the relationship inventory you have identified
your working model and the ways in which it may interfere with your
happiness and productivity. You’ve probably spotted the recurrent
patterns in your relationships and the way in which you and your
partners (past or present) tick each other off. You can even summarize
these for yourself.