busy schedule. She just knew that she needed to feel more connected
throughout the day.
Then they found a cool solution: Henry asked if it would be okay to
send her a prewritten text message whenever he thought about her. It
would only take a moment of his time but would reduce Georgia’s
worry greatly. This solution worked wonders for their relationship. For
Georgia, receiving a “thinking of you” message enabled her to calm
down and concentrate better at work, and Henry felt less resentful once
he realized that Georgia wasn’t out to destroy his career by endless
nagging. In fact, by invoking his boss’s special relationship with his
wife, he could see how a secure base could help advance his career.
At night when they met, the tension was gone and the neediness and
hostility were no longer there.

THE TOOTHPASTE INCIDENT

Sam really wanted Grace to move in with him when she moved to New
York City. They’d been together for over two years and he thought that
it would be nice to take their relationship to a higher level. Besides,
they were staying at each other’s place all the time and think of the rent
they would save! Grace preferred not to move into Sam’s apartment.
She wanted to rent a bigger place instead, where they could both start
on equal footing. But Sam refused; he loved his little apartment and
saw no reason to spend money when he owned a place of his own. He
was sure that they could make it work. He did have some hesitations,
though. He’d never lived with anyone before and he was very set in his
ways. But over the years, he’d also felt the loneliness that comes with
self-sufficiency and wanted something more. Then when Grace moved
in, Sam started to feel the pressure mounting. Sometimes he felt he
was going to suffocate. Her things were everywhere. He felt that he
was losing his quiet sanctuary, and quite literally that his home had
been invaded. Finally one day he lost it—it was about the toothpaste.
Grace always squeezed the toothpaste from the middle, while he
made sure to carefully squeeze it from the bottom up. When he noticed