10.

When Abnormal Becomes the Norm: An

Attachment Guide to Breaking Up

Clay and Tom were enjoying a romantic dinner on their anniversary.
Clay was gazing lovingly at Tom, when out of nowhere Tom snapped:
“What the hell are you staring at? Stop staring, it’s really annoying.”
Clay wanted to get up and leave but restrained himself. He said
nothing, and they finished their dinner in silence.

Throughout their hiking trip in Guatemala, instead of walking side
by side and sharing the adventure, Gary would walk ahead of Sue,
occasionally making snide comments about how lazy and
incompetent she was for walking so slowly.

After Pat finished giving her husband the “no reciprocation” sexual
treat he asked for, he said, “That was awesome—and the greatest
thing about it was that it could have just been anyone, a complete
stranger. That’s hot.” Pat felt as though she’d been punched in the
stomach.

In the previous chapter, we discussed problems arising from the
anxious-avoidant clash and possible ways to resolve these issues. In
some cases, however, even repeated efforts to improve the situation
fail, and the interaction between these two attachment styles can
become truly harmful. Unfortunately, in these cases, anxious and