With effective communication, you might not be able to solve a
problem or resolve your differences in one shot. But you can judge
immediately how important your well-being is to your partner:

• Does s/he try to get to the bottom of your concerns?


• Does s/he respond to the issue at hand or does s/he try to
  dodge you?


• Does s/he take your concerns seriously or does s/he try to
  belittle you or make you feel foolish for raising them?


• Does s/he try to find ways to make you feel better or is s/he only
  busy acting defensive?


• Is s/he replying to your concerns only factually (as in a court of
  law) or is s/he also in tune with your emotional well-being?

If your partner is responsive and genuinely concerned about your
happiness and security, you have a green light to go ahead with the
relationship. If, however, your partner tries to evade important topics,
acts defensively, or makes you feel foolish or needy, you should heed it
as a serious warning sign.

WHY IT IS HARD FOR PEOPLE WITH AN

INSECURE STYLE TO ADOPT EFFECTIVE

COMMUNICATION

Effective communication almost seems like a no-brainer. After all, all
people can do it once they set their mind to it, right? Well, yes, as long
as they are secure. Often, insecure people cannot get in touch with
what is really bothering them. They get overwhelmed by emotions and
lash out. Studies show that people with a secure attachment style don’t
react so strongly, don’t get overwhelmed as easily, and can thus calmly
and effectively communicate their own feelings and tend to the needs
of their partners. Secure people also believe that they are worthy of
love and affection, and expect their partners to be responsive and
caring. With these beliefs, it’s easy to see why they don’t let negative